How was I going to get parental permission slips signed without parental permission? So when I first saw the call for submissions to Salaam, Love: How could I tell the people I had grown up with, the Muslim communities I'd become a part of, that I wasn't who they thought I was? Around a year ago, I met an undergraduate who'd sought out my counsel.
He had a girlfriend, whom his parents disapproved of. But he wasn't sure if he should be with her, either. He was trapped between who he was and who he wanted to be. I eventually submitted my story about my sneaking out to prom to the book Salaam, Love because I wanted to be more honest in my writing. And honesty, it turns out, is revelatory.
I was not then, and am not now, alone in loneliness. There's an epidemic of young Muslim men who don't know how to talk about love, and don't realize how badly they'll need to. I know, because I spend every other weekend traveling, visiting Muslims all across the US. I give Friday sermons. I sit on panels discussing Muslim identity.
I teach Islamic history. I also defend my religion against those who do it harm. This has taken me across the country, not just to talk, but also to listen. Young folks reach out to me. We'll talk, sometimes for hours, often about things I wish I myself could have discussed with someone else when I was young.
Muslim men have the right and the need to tell our story. We aren't stone-cold Neolithic leftovers or pseudo-biblical Semitic patriarchs just looking for someone to suffocate. My desire for companionship was so strong I pursued it even against my own interests. There were days when I was glad Carla had been in my life, the easy answer to, "do you regret what you did?
It took me years to get over her. Even now, I remember each and every girl I ever kissed. They didn't just move on; they moved on with me. I'd invested in intimacy, hoping to deflect fears that would otherwise have been the death of me.
Initial stage of dating a muslim man
I turned to them instead of to Him, looking for people to fix, ironically, what no person can. There's an unequalled serenity that comes from the Divine, but He's not a warm body. I told him, even though before our marriage I agreed to appease him, this was before I knew the truth about Islam. For a while, he seemed open to the idea that kids should be what their mom is.
He even said for a while to let them decide and he even would listen to me when I talked about Jesus. Now, this has all changed. His Arab friends as well as being in contact with his family again have destroyed our relationship more.
I feel this is the end of my relationship. They feel I made my bed, so now I should lie in it. I alienated them so much by marrying him secretly. I also have no close friends. Do you know of a group for women like me, currently married to Muslim men or ex-wives of Muslim men? I just want people to talk to. I am only 24 now and I feel like life is over.
My two year wedding anniversary is coming up and I know everything is over.
Bitter Love: Another Saga of a Muslim Man and a Western Woman – apamgodturoch.ml
I need some comfort without people judging. I cry all day long. My husband acts annoyed by me instead of comforting me. His ultimatum about Muslim kids has hurt me beyond belief. My only hope is that this man will convert to Christianity.
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Do you have any suggestions for talking to Muslims? I just want some peace, even if him and me leave each other tomorrow, I care about him and want him to see the truth one day. Sorry for this long email. Thanks for reading and for allowing me to vent. Please write back and let me know what you think. Sorry to bother you again.
I just feel so compelled to write to you because I know you were Muslim at one time and I appreciate what you do to expose Islam. I am also trying to find out what the turning point was for you. My husband does not even like to admit there are apostates in Islam! He dismisses it as they are liars or trying to get U. Anyway, today was a rough day. My husband was visiting me for the past few days and this friend of his kept calling, so I screamed while my husband was on the phone and this prompted him to recite talaq.
We are still married on paper. Islamic marriage means nothing to me. Still, I know it means something for him, so I am very depressed he would say it after 2 years. Anyway, from what I understand, you are not practicing any religion right now. What made you finally see the flaws in Islam? How old were you? Is there any way I can get him to see the faults with Islam? For a while, it seemed he welcomed my conversations. Now, his friends have changed everything as well as pressure from his family. I wish there was a forum or an outlet to meet other women in my similar situation.
One thing I can tell you is that life is not over and things are not as gloomy as they appear to you now. This man is not right for you.
Your marriage with him was a mistake and it will bring you nothing but sadness. You cling to him and desperately hope the impossible. The truth is that the best thing for you is to get out of this so called marriage. You are only This is the beginning of life. You have 70 more years ahead of you. Yes you made a mistake, as if no one does.
Sometimes mistakes are so innocent and yet the consequences are so severe that it seems unfair.
Muslim men don't know how to talk about love. But they need to
Imagine you drive a car. You become distracted for a second and an accident happens that leaves you crippled for life. That is a big price to pay for such a tiny mistake. In your case your mistake was huge, but fortunately its consequence is not that big, at least not yet. But the hurt will go away soon and once you meet another guy. I am not a religious person. You may say I am agnostic, but for all practical purposes I am an atheist. However, I know about the power of faith. People believing in Jesus and God can see miracles happen in their lives.
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I am against fanaticism, not against belief. If you can believe in Jesus this is the moment that your faith can come to your help and pull you literally out of this nightmare you have put yourself in. All those dreams and those spiritual experiences you are having are telling you that you need to get away from this abusive relationship. You can believe that God is sending you subtle messages. A rationalist may say those are the voices of your subconscious mind. In either case you must listen to them. You must get out of this abusive relationship. This man does not beat you, at, least not yet.
But he is emotionally abusing you and these abuses become more intense as you become more dependent on him emotionally. Islam transforms the psychology of its followers. Muslims are not emotionally healthy people.
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